Crystal Light Mocktails

One of my favorite things is when companies give a little wink to their young, mostly irresponsible customers. Like when Jell-O came out with margarita, pina colada, and daquiri flavors a few years ago. It’s make me feel validated, (which I learned on Oprah’s Lifeclass last night is a very important thing for a human). They know what I’m up to with their product, and they don’t think it’s totally outlandish. Sure, if pressed by the Mothers Against Drunk Driving they would surely just say that the product was meant to be enjoyed as alcohol-free Jello-O jigglers or mixed with Cool Whip, but I know what the Jell-O company is really saying: “I see you. I hear you. Mix this with alcohol as a fun addition to your Cinco de Mayo celebrations.”

Crystal Light has recently come out with something of a similar concept. If you are not a vain woman between the ages of 18-34, you probably don’t know that we like to mix our vodka with a little Crystal Light as a fun, low-calorie treat. We’re just Skinnygirls on a budget trying to make it in this world.

Recently, Crystal Light came out with a new line of “Mocktail” flavors. Now, I love a mojito as much as the next person. Probably more than the next person. I really love mojitos, especially when they come with a little sugar cain garnish. However, one of the best parts about a mojito is that there’s rum in it. I’m not interested in alcohol-free cocktails, and do not get me started on “mocktails.” I remember dorm-sponsored events at my alma mater used to boast a selection of mocktails during Project Runway viewings, and all that says to me is you’re trying too hard to have kids think you’re cool. It’s fine if you don’t want to serve me alcohol, but don’t try to serve me fake alcohol with just as much sugar. Just be honest with me and give me free brownies. Same calorie content with no illusions.

Anyway, tangent. Sorry. Basically, I don’t think that Crystal Light really thinks that they’re customers are going to buy this as a way to enjoy their favorite cocktails with out the pesky alcohol. Some product developer probably has some 24 year old daughter who is always bringing packets of Crystal Light in her purse when she goes out to bars, and thought they’d capitalize on the new skinny alcohol craze that’s starting to ramp up.

And then again, when MADD presses them about it, they can just say that they had no idea dieters liked to mix their product with alcohol, and they just thought they’d provide something for their customers who thought that tequila ruined the flavor of lime and sweet and sour mix in margaritas.

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