Today is my birthday!
I know that people with birthdays are pretty annoying- they’re like people who are getting married or having babies. They are under the impression that they are the first people in the world to be born/get married/give birth or that it took some kind of rare skill to do it, so everyone else has to treat them like they’re special. People who win a Nobel Prize don’t guilt you into buying presents for them and make you play games that involve wrapping yourself in toilet paper dresses or putting balloons under your shirt. They are humble. “It’s called class, people!” remarked Countess Luann.
This is so obnoxious to everyone involved except for said “special” person, but trust that I plan on demanding all kinds of special treatment today.. The kind pregnant women receive sounds nice.. like nobody makes them lift things or stand for long periods of time on public transportation, which I’ll admit they deserve. All I ask is that I get those same perks. Actually, if I could be treated exactly like a pregnant person today, that would be ideal.
- People helping me up from chairs and couches.
- Someone else tying my shoes.
- Getting to wear pants with elastic wastebands instead of zippers.
- The opportunity to eat whatever I want with no judgement.
- The ability to make people go out and get me ice cream at all hours of the night just because I asked.
- The acceptance from those around me that I can yell at them or suddenly begin crying/laughing without any repercussions.
This is just a working list. Also, everyone should leave me comments because like newlyweds and expectant mothers, I want as much attention as possible.