Some Important Info…

… about ME!!!

Here’s just some fun facts I’d like to share so we can all get to know one another better.

1. Once, in girl scouts when I was 9, we had this badge ceremony with all the families in attendance. Each girl was supposed to get up and say her wish for the world. Most girls said world peace or something, which I was going to say, but I had been watching some Dateline and thought of something else. So, I got up and said my wish for the world was “that all murderers be executed by law.” I almost got kicked out the troupe for that one. In related news, when I was 9 I also had a real fear of OJ Simpson.

2. Like, 4 years ago, I bought a diaper bag because I thought it was a purse.

3. If I’m ever on SNL I know exactly how I want my little vignette to play out in the opening credits and I’d be happy to act it out for you.

4. I’ve never been embarrassed of my parents to the extent that for, like, a month my mom was a lunch monitor at my elementary school, and I’d invite her to come sit with us at our table. Like, I loved every second of it. Think the Nasim Pedrad character, Bedelia, on SNL.

5. A couple years ago I pumped gas from a tank that had a yellow bag over the handle, which apparently means “Out of Order” because it apparently says “Out of Order” on it, which I didn’t notice. It was winter and I thought the bag was some sort of means to keep your hands warm, which I thought was very thoughtful of the gas station until the attendant ran out and yelled at me and said that my car was probably going to blow up.

6. For middle school class projects I have dressed up as both Rocky Horror Picture Show’s Magenta (and taught the class “The Time Warp”) and Shirley Temple.

7. I called my senior year AP English teacher a hypocrite in the middle of class and got yelled at for literally 20 minutes for it. This is also one of my proudest moments. She was a monster, though! In fact, I just googled her name and I found this little gem on ratemyteacher.com that sums her up perfectly:

This woman is a menace to society. I’ve never seen so many kids cry in a high school class. She is unfair, a miserable human being who should be locked away in a mental institution. Rhymes w/ bunt.

And I didn’t write that, so you know I was justified!

8. I love sorting change.

9. I had a stress dream the other night that I was graduating and to walk and get your diploma everyone had to hoist themselves onto the stage, and I couldn’t lift myself so I missed graduating. Though this was a dream, I live in constant fear that I will run into a situation where I will have to lift my own body weight.

10. I’m going to a state fair in Mass. in a couple weeks (The Big E) and all I want to do is try a burger they serve with glazed donuts for buns. I am not ashamed at all.

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