I’m almost to the end of my 30-Day Challenge in Bikram, and I’m coming out on the other side having had a mostly positive experience. I’m pretty proud of myself for having (almost) completed a goal that I set my mind to, but I have one minor disappointment. Deep down, like deep, deep down, I was sort of hoping I’d find a meditating, hemp wearing, James Franco-type man of my very own. (Though, side note, I think that’s actually a careful-what-you-wish-for situation. I have a sneaking suspicion that James is probably a major handful that you end up having some sort of unhealthy, co-dependent relationship with. Like, he’s out of his mind, but you keep coming back for more because he’s so hot and he tells you you’re the only one he’s let read his short stories. It’s just the impression I’m getting).
I thought Bikram would be a great place to meet guys, until I actually saw guys there I would like to meet. It’s not until I actually see someone to impress that I actually assess the situation I’m working with.
Like, oh, right, my spray tan is actually dripping down my legs, I’m not wearing any make up, and I have my exercise face on (which I imagine is probably something similar to the look on my face when I die one day). Where I once participated in a 90 minute active meditation, now I keep wiping under my eyes to make sure my waterproof mascara is as waterproof as they say it is (because now, of course, I have found a way to wear make up to class).
This is the one place where I probably look the worst I possibly could, making it now the worst place to meet guys. And, yet, perhaps the best. If some guy saw me from across the crowded hot room, and thought “ya, I want that girl who’s ponytail is sticking to her sweaty face and looks like she’s going to cry,” then I don’t have to try nearly as hard to look presentable as I normally would have if we went out. His first impression is me at rock bottom, so the bar is just set way lower than it would be for a guy I’d meet anywhere else. This is ideal. I could marry this man.